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The Fab 40 SharePoint Jokes (Updated for SharePoint Conference 2014)

Many of my colleagues seem to have a great sense of humor and enjoy their work with SharePoint. There is a large community surrounding the SharePoint platform, people travel at their own expense to help others gain knowledge at events like SharePoint Saturday, user groups and conferences. These global consultants, enthusiasts, coders, and administrators work long hours trying to help clients and friends succeed with SharePoint all around the world. It is this community that I dedicate this list of SharePoint jokes! Have fun with it and take it for what it is. From one SharePoint consultant to many others enjoy!

bill-clinton-porn-stars

(Bill Clinton poses for a picture with two porn stars, Brooklyn Lee (right) and Tasha Reign (to the left of Clinton), along with another buxom blonde (far left) while attending a fundraising gala at a casino.)

 THE List:

What do you call a smiling, SOBER courteous person at the SharePoint 2014 conference? A: The caterer

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some SharePoint consultants appear bright until you hear them speak.

A good SharePoint consultant is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.

How many SharePoint consultants does it take to screw in a light bulb? How many can you afford?

I always take SharePoint with a grain of salt, …plus a slice of lemon, …and a shot of tequila.

Bill Clinton says to SharePoint consultant – Well aren’t you a waste of two billion years of evolution.

SharePoint 2013: working daily to make the human brain obsolete.

I told my boss that everyone hates SharePoint. He said I was being ridiculous… everyone hasn’t used it yet.

SharePoint work is something you do that nobody notices until you don’t do it.

Top three things SharePoint Consultant won’t say:

   You’re right; we’re billing way too much for this.

   How about paying us based on the success of the project?

   I don’t know enough to speak intelligently about that.

 

clinton_laughing

(This is SharePoint!)

I should’ve known it wasn’t going to work out between my ex-girlfriend and me. After all, I’m a SharePoint and she’s a Box.

I drink beer to celebrate major events, the fall of communism, or the fact that our SharePoint is still working.

SharePoint Consultants have credibility because they aren’t dumb enough to work at your company.

A SharePoint consultant with a clear conscience is usually a sign of bad memory.

With sufficient thrust and an open window, SharePoint servers fly just fine.

I scream the same whether I’m about to be devoured by great white shark or work with SharePoint

Good SharePoint consultants are the ones that never get caught screwing it up.

If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to watch the SharePoint wheel thing spin…oh wait, he does.

Claims with SharePoint is sort of like a bird, it’s pretty cute until it shits on your head.

The secret to success as a SharePoint consultant is knowing who to blame for your failures.

SharePoint Consultant to client – ‘We don’t have a SharePoint performance problem; You have a perception problem.’

I used to be indecisive about Office 365. Now I’m not sure.

SharePoint consultant to client – ‘I don’t have a solution, but I do admire the problem.’

Some SharePoint mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

The SharePoint consultant who laughs last probably made a back-up AND tested the restore!

Overheard: “This SharePoint consultant is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.”

SharePoint analyst to programmer: “You start coding. I’ll go find out what they want.”

99 percent of SharePoint consultants give the rest a bad name.

Never, under any circumstances, decide to install SharePoint and take a laxative on the same night.

A computer can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like SharePoint.

Client said: Most SharePoint consultants are idiots, and I just hired their King!

Remember half the SharePoint consultants you know are below average. 🙂

3 reasons why SharePoint better then sex:

   You can usually find someone to do it with.

   A little coffee and you can do it all night.

   If you don’t finish you won’t gain a reputation as a “SharePoint teaser.”

Q: What’s the difference between a SharePoint consultant and a computer nerd?

A: Sooner or later everyone needs a SharePoint consultant!

How many SharePoint consultants does it take screw in a light bulb?

Answer: 100. 1 to do, 99 to say they could do it better.

What do SharePoint Consultants use for birth control? – Their personalities.

The first half of my life was ruined by my parents, and the second half by SharePoint.

TIP: If you are a SharePoint admin and you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of SharePoint service packs.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like SharePoint users.

I like SharePoint 2013 and Office 365, It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

clinton-colombian-prostitutes

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  1. The ‘Fantastic 40’ SharePoint Jokes – Updated | Paul J. Swider
  2. Some good Coaching4SharePoint jokes… | Coaching for SharePoint

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